Sometimes, It’s Nice Not To Define Things

by Sarah on June 20, 2013

Love WordSo a few days ago, I wrote a post about why it’s important that we have words to describe our experiences and our identities.

I still believe it. But I also realized that there’s more to the story.

You see, one of the things that I love about being a singler is that I don’t have to define anything.

In other words, my relationships to other people can just be what they are.

I don’t have to worry about whether they fit into any particular boxes. If I have a crush, I can enjoy the crush and think about what kinds of things I want from that connection without having to worry about, “Is he going to ask me out?” or “Do I want to do x, y, or z if he doesn’t?”

It’s a non-issue.

Not defining everything allows me to enjoy the moments without worrying about what they may mean. I can say, “It is fun interacting with you in this way, right now,” and that can be enough.

I can ask for “more, please” without needed to worry about what the next “step” is. I can enjoy the natural waxing and waning cycles of these things – enjoying them if/when they come around again and appreciating them without trying to shape or force them into a specific mold.

I get to do it my way.

And if there aren’t words for all of it, it’s because the way we connect to other people and share love (emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.) are infinitely varied and infinitely beautiful.

So I let others have fun with that whole, “Oh, we’re dating, we’re supposed to spend this much time together. Now we’re supposed to live together. Now we’re supposed to put a ring on it. Now we’re supposed to….”

And secretly, I think I’m all the richer for it.

N.B.: In my world, not “defining” things does NOT mean not discussing boundaries and expectations. Boundaries and expectations are AWESOME. Calling something a relationship and then getting married after 3 years because it seems like the next step, whether or not anyone is particularly interested in getting married is NOT AWESOME. More clarifications tomorrow, since I feel like the last two posts may have caused more confusion than clarity, but wanted to make that as clear as possible for now.

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