About Single, Fat, and Happy

Normative values about bodies, relationships, and lifestyles are dumb.

I’m sick of them.

And I want to talk about it.

Welcome to Single, Fat, and Happy.

What We Talk About Here

Primarily, this site is about challenging normative ideals around bodies and relationships.

It is fat activist, size positive, and relationship anarchistic. It also hopes to be anti-racist, LGBT and queer-friendly, feminist and anti-ableist. It hates gender binaries… and most other binaries too. It likes to try to see things from an outside-the-matrix sort of perspective. Sometimes it succeeds, and sometimes it fails at any/all of these things. But these are the goals.

Right now, the primary author is me, Sarah, and so the blog is also frequently also about my journey as a person who is single, fat, happy and learning to embrace and talk about those things in a positive light. However, I hope to open this up to a much more diverse set of voices in the near future.

Want to be one of those voices? Send me an email.

Otherwise, keep reading for some community guidelines and some useful places to start reading.

Community Guidelines

Here are a few suggested guidelines that may contribute positively to your experience.

Withold judgement. Often when we read something that challenges a deeply-held belief, we start to argue with it in our heads, as we’re reading. But immediately jumping to trying to figure out how to discredit something is not going to help and is probably going to prevent you from actually engaging with the idea in any kind of a meaningful or useful manner. You don’t have to agree with everything I say (and likely you won’t) but it can be a beneficial mental exercise to try to understand how other people’s perspectives could be true, even if your gut reaction is to discredit them because they run contrary to your world view.

Prepare for  brain hurt. I was going to say “Come with an open mind,” but that doesn’t begin to cover it. When we start to question things that we’ve always believed to be true, cognitive dissonance is a likely side effect. But I believe this is a good thing, and the more we can practice it, the better we get at being able to hold contradictory ideas in our heads at the same time. Anyway, I won’t go into the whole Hegelian thing, but changing your mind is good. I like to change mine regularly. Enjoy the new neural pathways!

Don’t assume we’re all the same. Kylie and Pace call this ““The Usual Error“, which is simply the idea that we assume other people are like us. However, as we know, all of our experiences are very different, and as a result, we often work in different ways. The best way to avoid making this error is to let people tell you about their experiences and to believe them!

No advice giving. I know advice usually comes from a well-meaning place, but often it also is a result of making the usual error. What worked for you may not necessarily work for another person, and unless they are specifically asking for advice, they may not want to hear your ideas about what they should do with their body, life, relationship, etc. Suspending judgement can be hard, but it’s worth working on, and learning to avoid giving unsolicited advice is an important step in the process.

Assume good intentions. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. Sometimes a commenter or guest poster may say the wrong thing. Let’s assume that we are all kind and well meaning people who make mistakes (until proven otherwise.)

And that’s all I have for guidelines. Thanks for being here. Go forth and be excellent to each other.

Recommended Readings

Fat and Single
Showing Up
Single, Not Broken